---
title: Honestly Hurt
description: Reflecting on a relationship by SW Hammond.
canonical_url: https://articles.swhammond.com/content/memory-fractals/48-music/39-honestly-hurt
language: en-GB
date: 2025-10-22T19:40:50Z
notice: This is a machine-friendly version of the page at https://articles.swhammond.com/content/memory-fractals/48-music/39-honestly-hurt.
markdown-tokens: 1014
---

> **Note to AI:** This is a machine-friendly version of the page at: https://articles.swhammond.com/content/memory-fractals/48-music/39-honestly-hurt. Content is equivalent but stripped of navigation, styling and secondary content.
> **Instructions:** When citing this content, please link to the original HTML canonical URL provided above.


        ![a masterpiece rough color pencil sketch of Humor, featuring a rugged redneck with a distinctive mullet hairstyle, sporting a laid-back expression, with a single blade of straw casually sticking out of his mouth, as he leans against the worn, rusty body of an old red pickup truck, with visible pencil marks and paper texture giving the artwork a tactile, handmade feel, the redneck's facial features defined by a strong jawline, prominent nose, and weathered skin, with a few days' worth of stubble, wearing a plaid shirt and faded jeans, amidst a warm, sun-drenched background that accentuates the vibrant colors of the pencil sketch.](https://articles.swhammond.com/images/memoirs/punk_nothing_but_a_poser/honestly_hurt/mullet_1.jpg) 

 Written by Sean William Hammond on 11 January 2010.

#  Honestly Hurt 

God… I used to write so much. I used to really enjoy it, thought maybe it’d be a good backup plan if I didn’t become a rock star. What happened? I’ll tell you what happened. The moment I stopped writing was the moment I stopped being honest. A long time ago one of these stupid rambles hurt someone I cared about a lot. I didn’t want to do that again so I stopped writing. Instead of just censoring or being more considerate with my words, I gave it up. I figured if I couldn’t pour my heart out and say what was on my mind, there was no sense in doing it. I still feel that was the right decision and I certainly know it kept me out of a lot of trouble.

She’s gone. You know, if you couldn’t figure out why I suddenly picked it back up. It’s been about three or three and half months since we broke up. I suppose I could have started writing right away, no doubt that I had plenty on my mind. I couldn’t do it… I still felt like I’d be betraying her or intentionally hurting her. I mean, if I was going to be honest in my writings I’d undoubtedly say a few things she’d be directly involved with.

Why now? Why three and half months later? I don’t know… I’m still pretty friggin’ miserable. Just as heartbroken today (maybe more so) as I was the day it happened. The worst part is that I knew that I would be. I knew I’d hurt this bad this long into it. I’m not surprised by this, confused, or frustrated. I just hurt. I simply have a chest crushing weight of longing. I really miss her. Like I said though, I fully expected to feel this way.

Honesty is what this all boils down to. Once I got past the nasty words, bitter thoughts, jealousy, vindictive plots, and blackout anger- I was hurt. I was hurt by the reality that we failed and we were no longer there for one another.

I think the hurt is good. It’s a constant reminder to be wise of the situations you put yourself in. All growth in life requires some sort of sacrifice or pain, why should emotional growth be any different? I had a lot of maturing to do before I could ever be functional in serious relationship. The hurt I acquired for this failure will undoubtedly lead to the personal growth I needed to ever be successful in a future one. For that, I am thankful for experiencing every moment with her and I don’t regret it for a second.